Today, I decided to watch all 3 'Darkman' movies. I only got through the first 2, but that's because it was too much awesomeness for 1 day. With Darkman being a Raimi classic, I looked at the box to see what glorious studio was responsible for such masterpieces. Universal! With that, I marched back into my room to see what other movies I owned that were from Universal. In the collection I found 'Army of Darkness' and 'Barb Wire'! Then I thought, how great would it be if there was an 'Ash vs. Darkman vs. Barb Wire' movie. This is who I would pick for the recasting.

Liam Neeson as Darkman (left) and Josh Hartnett (right)

Pamela Anderson as Barb Wire (left) and Megan Fox (right)

He even looked scary on the poster forthe romantic comedy, Wimbleton.


"People like Cary Grant, Will Smith and Hugh Grant do it brilliantly. They are just relentlessly charming and self-deprecating. I found that really difficult. But there may be other reasons for that." -- Paul Bettany

From the first time I saw him in Gangster No. 1, (one of my all time favourite movies) I was certain Paul Bettany was going to be one of the next big actors. As time went on I wondered how that didn't happen, but I think I may be onto something.

I saw he's going to be playing Charles Darwin in a movie called Creation. It reminded me of when he played that crazy monk in The Da Vinci Code and then I realized he's probably not a big hit with the religious crowd. Going through his filmography, I found some movies that sort of smack religion in the face. I like it!

The Reckoning (2003) - In 14th-century England, a young monk breaks his vow of chastity and flees the wrath of his bishop and fellow monks. A fugitive priest, he then witnesses the murder of a traveling performer--and subsequently, the mourning of actor by his fellow troupe members. He eventually becomes initiated into the troupe as a player, replacing the murdered man.

The Da Vinci Code (2006) - Symbolist, Robert Langdon(Tom Hanks) and cryptologist, Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou) embark on a complex murder investigation that involves a theory where Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene produced a daughter named Sara. The Priory of Sion has kept for centuries the secret of that matter. A masochist, albino monk, Sibilas (Paul Bettany), an Opus Dei member, will chase Langdon and Sophie as well, in order to impede that they solve the mystery of Christ and Mary Magdalene.

Creation (2009) - A world-renowned scientist is crushed by the loss of his daughter and conceives a book which will prove the non-existence of God. This is the story of Charles Darwin and his master-work "The Origin of Species". It tells of a global revolution played out the confines of a small English village; a passionate marriage torn apart by the most dangerous idea in history; and a theory saved from extinction by the logic of a child.

Legion (2010) - After a terrifying biblical apocalypse descends upon the world, a group of strangers stranded in a remote truck stop diner in the Southwest unwittingly become humanity's last line of defense when they discover the diner's young waitress is pregnant with the messiah.

Torture scene with Paul Bettany from The Da Vinci Code (2006)

Maybe it's just me, but I saw this on TV last night and found it really funny. The story about Tracy Morgan's Uncle, Kimmel's subtle gay undertones and of course the ending.

Clip from "Jimmy Kimmel's Night of Too Many Stars" - Tracy Morgan interview

The other night I logged onto Facebook and halfway into writing a post, the page disappeared. I tried to refresh it but it was a no-go. Facebook fucking disabled my account for violating the Terms of Conduct, but they won't tell me what I did! All my other e-mail addresses are disabled too, so I'm just gonna let it go. I'm not interested in making another e-mail address, just so I can use that stupid site.

I posted this on that stupid site that from now on will remain nameless (I'll probably forget about it). Since I have no outlet to share these things and it looks like Blogger has finally got their shit back together. I guess I can comment on it here. So here it goes:

I WANT TO FUCK MEGAN FOX IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE! Fuck isn't even a strong enough description for what I want to do to her. Annihilating her mouth and vagina can probably describe it best. Then she gets even hotter with this new GQ interview, I think it's for the Octber 2008 issue. Shit. She's got one bad ass potty mouth, totally uncalled for and I love it.

"I’m not a lesbian—I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl—Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands."

“My publicist is going to hang herself knowing what I’ve told you. She’s going to quit the business and open a taco stand.”

“The problem was that trying to move the friendship outside of that location became uncomfortable and weird. It was like trying to marry a porn star. But I get it. This is colorful, and you want something to write that people will want to read. I get bored reading typical celebrity shit also."

“That’s the upside of dating a woman who’s almost a man. She likes the same things that you like, but she has a vagina! (Pause) Don’t print that—that I said vagina.”

For the complete interview with Megan Fox, click here and watch the trailer for her new movie just below.

"How to Lose Friends and Alienate People" starring Simon Pegg, Kirsten Dunst, Jeff Bridges, Megan Fox and Gillian Anderson opens October 3, 2008.

JUSTICE LEAGUE MOVIE

Warner Bros. are holdng meetings with DC about the direction they want to take concerning the supehero properties.

"While we are not going to go into the specifics of the meetings, we're constantly looking at how best to exploit the DC Comics characters and properties. DC is an incredibly valuable asset to Warner Bros. and plays an important role across the entire studio by providing development and franchise opportunities for all media, including films, television, home entertainment, animation, consumer products, video games and digital platforms."

Thank fucking God. Someone took their head out of their ass or sobered up long enough to realize that they were going to make a multi-million dollar blunder.

I wonder who are present at these meetings. I would hope that they involve creative DC writers like Mark Waid, Joss Whedon or Brian K. Vaughn.

Marvel has it right on the money. Although it's taken them the better part of a decade, they've finally got it! Through trial and error, time and thought, they managed to get their shit together and come up with a solid plan. DC has been trying to do what Marvel is now doing for 30 years. They need to bite the bullet and follow suit if they ever want to make the Justice League movie ever worth watching.

It was obvious that DC tried to go into competition with Marvel after they announced the Avengers. DC won't be able to release Justice League before Marvel releases the Avengers. It's way too much and way too late at this point. Another thing they needed to note on is about the actors. They need to use the actors who've established the characters (for this era) or not use them at all.

The Batman franchise is in good hands. Let Christopher Nolan do whatever the fuck he wants! If he wants to do a movie in between Batman movies, don't hassell him about it. If he wants to bang your daughters, let him do it. Do whatever it takes to keep him doing these movies.

These are some of my suggestions for future Batman characters:

Charlize Theron as Selina "Catwoman" Kyle

Andy Serkis as Edward "The Riddler" Nygma

Scarlett Johanssen as Pamela "Poison Ivy" Isley

Guy Pearce as Dr. Kirk "Man-Bat" Langstrom

The Superman franchise is NOT in good hands. Keep Brandon Routh, he's perfect! Fire Bryan Singer and NEVER give him another franchise ever. He has proven he can't be trusted with them. Give it to someone who has a real love for the character like Mark Waid. Also, we've had 5 movies with Lex Luthor and kryptonite as the main villian. We're long overdue for a change and at this point, I don't even care who it is. Just pick someone else, please!

The Man of Steel should have been ready for a 2009 release, but Singer was too busy with his gay-Nazi romp in Germany with Tom Cruise. That's right, I went there.

This what I think should happen (I'm aware no one is going to listen): At least two or three of these projects should go into profuction at the same time and released throughout the following year and after one is released, another should go into production.

I would say after "The Dark Knight" opens, immediately start on "Green Arrow: SuperMax". It should be fairly cheap to produce and ready for Fall 2009.

My choice to portray Oliver Queen, the Green Arrow would be Kiefer Suherland.

Another film to start production on would be on Mark Waid's "Man of Steel" and "Green Lantern" to be ready for 2010.

My choice to portray Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern would be Matthew Davis (Tigerland, Legally Blonde).

After "Watchmen" opens (which I am soooooooooooooooo looking forward to and WB/DC really needs a hearty pat on the back for hiring Zack Snyder) in March 2009, Warner Bros. should start on Matthew Jennison and Brent Strickland's new "Wonder Woman" script with Joss Whedon directing (plus the third Batman movie) and have that shit ready for 2011.

In short, thy shouldn't consider doing a Justice League movie until 2015 at the latest.

I was in the kitchen, making a tuna sandwich last night and noticed a window was open. I walked over to the sink and closed the window. I opened up a plastic package to retrieve the last glazed donut to top off my meal and discovered a June bug. It was on the counter, flipped over on its back and feverishly flailing about. Gross!

I grabbed my plate of food, set it up at the coffee table and went to my room to find Darla. I figured, I've had this cat for 2 years now and she really hasn't done anything to pull her weight. She licks herself all day and if I acknowledge her existance without feeding her can food, she swipes at me with her razor sharp claws! I don't clip her nails now that she explores outside and might need to defend herself. Anyways!

I didn't notice how many June bugs had been attracted to the inside of the house. There were a couple in the living room and in the kitchen. I also didn't realize how many friggin' windows were open and for the remainder of Conan's monologue and my tuna sandwich, I watched her stalk and devour June bug after June bug.

I'm so glad I found a use for her. Darla Romjin-Stamos: Insect-eater!

Ryan Seacrest will be replacing Larry King on CNN later this year aaaaaaaaaand who cares? I don't think King is or was a great interviewer. He never gets controversal and he has the interviewing skills of a decrepit, unfunny Jay Leno. I'm not even sure who he made it to television.

Does this particular show really need to be salvaged? Why is Ryan Seacrest pegged as the next Dick Clark/King of All Media/Larry King/Casey Kasem? He's a talking head with a pretty face and barely a personality. I'll admit that he's a hard worker even if he's 100% mediocre.

I just had an epiphany. Larry King Live is 100% medicore. Ryan Seacrest is perfect for the job, I'll just continue to avoid that along with American Idol and his radio show.

Charlie Sheen Marries for the 3rd Time

Charlie Sheen is getting hitched May 30th for the third time to another model named Brooke Mueller.

There has to be a virus that runs rampid through Hollywood where celebrities feel like they need to be married. I can understand being young and stupid with getting married and divorced. But then doing it not once, but twice and it's not like his last divorce was a walk in the park. I mean, there's still so much shit he has still has to deal with his his last wife, the forever hot, super-cunt, Denise Richards.

Charlie Sheen has to be an asshole or a glutton for punishment. Did that debacle of a marriage last time not register? Did he not take a step back for a second and think to himself "Y'know, maybe this marriage thing isn't for me." I have to think that people who are in the public eye should be able to take a step back and see how ridiculous they look marrying and getting engaged X amount of times. It's like, dude! You're on a hit TV show (God knows why! It's fucking terrible!), how much exposure do you really need? Are you really that desperate for attention?


Miley Cyrus is named one of the 50 Most Beautiful People

Again? WTF? First it was Vanity Fair and now People's magazine is treating Miley Cyrus like she's already an adult and once again, Billy Ray is cash--er soakin' up the attention.

What's the deal? Is there a movement to try and bring pedophilia out into the mainstream? Where is Dateline when Annie Berkowitz asks Miss Cyrus to take off her top for some "artsy" pictures? How does this not register with people? Especially her Dad? I'm going to make my own list for the creepiest people of 2008 and Billy Ray's going to be right up there with that Austrian, Grinch lookin' motherfucker who chained his daughter up in the cellar for 24 years.

Now I know people are going to say "...but she's hot as hell!" and "I'd like to make motorboat sounds between those teenaged titties!" We all would. Even you ladies. But the fact remains is that she's still a stupid kid that should be taken out of the spotlight for the good of her own health.

Disney would throw a shit fit if that happened because they can't seem to come up with any original ideas, so they just rehash the Lizzie McGuire idea. Even Disney's animated movies were blatent rip-offs of century old fairy tales. Hell! They bought Jim Henson's Muppets and couldn't even think of what to do with them! For fuck sakes they're MUPPETS! They sell themselves!


Creepiest celebrity dad since Joe Simpson

Oh yeah, and as for those Vanity Fair pictures, we've all done stupid things when we were that age, but this is on an insanely epic scale and orchestrated by adults. Then to be named one of the 50 most beautiful people at 15 is insane and wrong, so magazine editors need to take their heads out of their asses and pull their dicks out of the Hanna Montana coloring book and think like a... I don't know... a person with a conscience, I guess.

I just finished watching 7 minutes of footage from the Speed Racer movie coming out today and here are my thoughts on it.

Despite from the fact that I thought I might have a seizure half way through, I still stand by my opinion that this'll be a fun, action-packed KIDS movie. It looks extremely bright and colorful with over-the-top scenery and characters which include the cars. I wasn't a fan of the cartoon, I'm not even a fan of racing, but this movie looks entertaining to me.

Also, this'll be the last time I'll mention it, but ever since I saw The Girl Next Door, I pegged Emile Hirsch to play Speed Racer and I'm so glad he got the role!

Here are the 7 minutes of Speed Racer footage!

The one time I fucking take the initiative to fix the comment boxes on this stupid blog. Every once in a blue moon, I talk myself into thinking I can fix this mess and that's never the case. Blogger only infuriates me every time I log in to do anything. I don't even care about fixing the comments so much as I want to strangle whoever the hell decided to make HaloScan site (comment box host) UN-navigatable. I don't even know if that's a word, but I'm using it anyway.

BLOGGER: FUCK YOU!
HALOSCAN: DOUBLE FUCK YOU!

I don't even remember what I was going to talk about now. At this point, I'm blind with rage.

I thought I'd weigh in on the Justice League movie. I did this a couple years, but lost the pictures due to my photobucket account being deleted for having porn posted. The movie has officially been put on the back burner until the writer's strike is over. Warner Bros. said they wanted to fill the movie with a bunch of unknowns and give them their own spin-off movies. I, on the other hand thought it should be based on Mark Waid's "Kingdom" series and mix the cast up with big name stars and unknown or obscure actors. This is what I came up with in an hour and a half. Some of them were rehashes from the last post from a couple years ago.

Robert Redford as Alan Scott (Green Lantern)


Anna Chudoba as Batgirl


Jason Patric as Batman


Naomi Watts as Black Canary


Matt Dillon as Captain Marvel


Kip Pardue as The Flash


Kiefer Sutherland as Green Arrow


Matthew Davis as Hal Jordan (Green Lantern)


Bruce Campbell as Hawkman


James Caan as The Spectre


Elisha Cuthbert as Supergirl


Clive Owen as Superman

This will be my last post on this blog. I've out grown the whole "canadianturd" internet alias. I've had a two and a half year run with this bitch and it'sbeen fun, but think I would like to start a new. If I do develop another blog, I won't be posting it on this page. If you want it that badly, you can e-mail me (at my soon-to-be old address) and ask. Too many people I know, know about this thing, so I can't always write about what I want to write about.

This means I will be changing everything that is canadianturd online. I'm sure after I've established a new alias, my e-mail adress will be up for grabs. Or maybe I'll just keep it for nostalgic reasons or just to be an asshole.

I wondered what I would do for my last post and I didn't really know what I would do until now. I've been asked why I chose canadianturd, so here's the story. I was about sixteen years old and I was really into talk radio (I know, typical high school teenager). My favourite show was Mancow's Morning madhouse and there was a character by the name of Turd. I tired a bunch of different names with "turd" in them and this one kind of stuck. It got cheap laughs here and there, but as I get older, it's more pathetic than it is funny.

I think this will be a good change and it'll be interesting to see how this works out. Here's a 2006 stock photo of Jeremy and I as a parting gift to you, the loser blog reader:

Goodbye, and I love you.

I didn't realize whow long it's been without posting on here... jeez. I've addicted to MySpace for damn near a week now, not because of my own profile, but adding friend (people I don't know) to my new profile GrizzlyBear90. People love this fucking bear!

Living with Elissa is fun, the dog took an elephant piss and shit in my room. I wouldn't have really cared if I didn't just send her outside to do her business. COME ON, DOG!! I purchased a fan for the kitchen since it was like a fucking heat wave that hit me every morning and it saves us from sweating to death when we're at the computer. I also got a new DVD player since my douchebag London landlord stole my last one.

Training at NCO is okay. My trainer is well-liked, but I still think he's a super nerd, trying to be cool. I'm not Joe Cool myself, but he's constantly talking about his big screen TV and that he makes so much money, etc. It's pretty annoying since we obviously don't have any money since we're in his class. There are tons of hot chicks in my class. I'm trying to keep to myself, which is hard for me. It seems to be doing something because the hot blonde I sit beside has been coming onto me the last couple days. I've also made a new friend in my training class, he's sort of the same predicament I was in when I came back to Sarnia, so I'm trying to hook him up as our third roommate. I've learned barely anything in training and my first phone call is on Friday.

I got the job at NCO. There was an open house at the call center and I went in. Elissa and Sam said that the only time people ever get jobs there is when they really don't want to work there. I applied the four years ago and three years ago when I really wanted the job and I didn't get it. This time, I went in and since I've already had the experience of working in a call center, I didn't want it. So I got it. My training starts today from 4PM to 10PM. I've been getting asked if I'm excited about it and I'm not. It's work, why would I be excited? I'm happy I'll be getting a paycheck soon, but that's about as far as that goes. Will I be able to hold this job down? I don't know.

On Sunday night, I was walking home and I took a shortcut through the St. Francis Xavier Elementary School and I caught two 13 or 14-year-olds fucking. That's right, they were fucking in a corner behind the school. They were doing it doggy style, but the guy still had his pants up, so I'm guessing he was doing it through his zipper. Now here's the part that threw me off. I think they were two guys, but I'm not sure. When I looked, I saw the back of the one guy's head, while we was in mid-thrust, he noticed me, pulled out and started scrambling for his zipper. But the second person that was getting it from behind, I'm not sure if it was a guy with long hair or a really ugly chick. I turned my head, pretended that I didn't see anything and walked away. I did, however, here a girlish giggle come a few seconds later, but I also think that could be from a pre-pubescent boy. I guess, I'll never know.

The Punisher is in good hands, Corey. Smooth hands too.

I changed the screen name and corrected the grammer, so it's legible. Not that readability (on this blog) has ever been an issue for me. I'm just in a good mood. I'm "Lester Burnham".

Zack Morris says:
What's up with you?
Lester Burnham says:
Wearing an awesome hat and cleaning up a bit.
Zack Morris says:
Sweet.
Lester Burnham says:
I wrote a couple blogs today.
Zack Morris says:
Cool.
Lester Burnham says:
www.canadianturd.blogspot.com
www.thisisteamxtreme.blogspot.com
Zack Morris says:
I'm not going to read them. No offence, but I'm not.
Lester Burnham says:
Haha, that's fine.
Zack Morris says:
I'm not one for reading.
Lester Burnham says:
I know how short attention spans can be, so I try to sum things up short and sweetly.
Zack Morris says:
No, it's not a short attention span. I just don't like to read.
Lester Burnham says:
But you're reading right now.
Lester Burnham says:
You just read that line and now you're reading this line.
Zack Morris says:
Yeah, I know, but I still don't like it.
Lester Burnham says:
So you're torturing yourslef at the computer by reading and waiting to read these messages?
Zack Morris says:
No, I'm talking in a non-verbal way.
Lester Burnham says:
A non-verbal way?
Zack Morris says:
Yes.
Lester Burnham says:
So if you're reading something someone typed then thats non-verbal?
Zack Morris says:
Yes.
Lester Burnham says:
But I wrote these blogs, so they must be non-verbal.
Zack Morris says:
Fuck off! I'm not going to read them! I don't like to read blogs, that's why I don't write them!

Hey ladies!!

Stephen Colbert at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Transbuddha

I had to take away Baby Bitch's squeaky ball because she kept squeaking the damn thing over and over again. It's like she was TRYING to annoy me. She sat besie me while I was on the computer and SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK!.... it went on for sooo fucking long.

I've been neglecting Blogger lately because I've rediscovered MySpace. I haven't even been blogging, just sprucing it up. The reason for my neglection, Blogger is untrustworthy when it comes to publising, and the last few times I've used it, it shit on my parade and fucking deleted most of my blog. So I'm not too enthusiastic about using it, you see?

Anyways, I had a pretty sweet weekend filled with drugs and alcohol, what else is new? I got to party in my new place, so I was pumped about that! I'm now within walking distance of most of my friends. No more (literally) walking across town for this guy!!

Artwalk was on the weekend and I caught the ass end of it on Sunday. Melissa and I went to the fair that was being held in Centennial Park. It was a shitty little fair, but it was a fair nonetheless. She was about as pumped before the ride as she was sick, after the ride. We left the fair almost immediately, she didn't say a single word on the way home, she didn't bother to close the car door when we got there and went straight to the bathroom. Haha!! Sucker!!

I'm still sorting through my stuff and threw up the rest of my awesome posters, but I still have so much more space. It's beautiful. I'll be updating the Team Xtreme blog and video blog soon too. I might get started on my X-Men review again. That tok so long though. Gah!

I just moved into my new place today. I'm living with Elissa and luckily her ex-boyfriend left so it looks like no drama this summer, which actually makes me happy because he was pretty retarded and I can only stand retards in small doses. Speaking of retards, I saw The Ringer last night and it was what I expected.... retarded. But in the funny way that retardation is funny. You all know how funny those feebs are. Sam and I went to Colleen's birthday party which was (suprislingy) fun. I really wasn't expecting much because I figured, "Who would party on a Tuesday night?" Then I figured out, "Oh! People exactly like me!" We arrived too late for the "special' cake so that was a bust. Overall it was a good drunken time. BAM!!!!

This weekend was decent. We went to see X-Men: The Last Stand on Friday night, had a few drinks at the River Rock because we were late. Not really anyone's fault, except Katies and her Kinder egg toy. ;) Anyways, we got a nice buzz on for the movie and then got drunk at Sam's friend's house. The crazy chick that was taking pictures of me a couple posts ago. The walk home was drunken and sloppy. Pretty much one of the worst schleps I ever had. Not as bad as last summer when I puked all the way home and had to walk through a children's festival, wreaking of vomit and alcohol.

There should be some pictures of that night coming up in the pictures section soon. I just got the ones from Corey's going away party up there. Plus, I DID do an epic review of X-Men 3, but I fucked up and erased thew whole thing. It took me and hour and half to type it out. it was brutal. Also, I've decided that my MySpace account needed some kick, so I kicked it up! BAM!!!

Today, I went to my knee appointment in London to see what the expert doctors had to say about it. They did express some concern, but since I wasn't a pro athelete or a rising star quarterback, they told me I would have to wait 10 to 12 months for surgery. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my doctor told me when I go there to lie to them and say it was a sports related injury or else they wouldn't take me. So when he asked what happened I basicall told him I got owned playing rugby. I've never played rugby in my life! I wore rigby shorts once, but that's a whole different story. They took some x-rays (the hottest x-ray technician I've ever seen) and then I was off.